Death of an ex-husband
Oct. 6th, 2017 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missmaryrI am musing over how, whenever I plan a vacation, someone in my ex-husband's family tends to die. Last time it was my mother in law.
This time it was my ex-husband, who apparently died in his sleep. He was in decent health and younger than me, so it was really a shock to everyone concerned. There was an autopsy, and nothing was found though some toxicology screens are still being done. So the cause of death is cardiac failure. After all, if your heart fails, you die, right? It's the death record equivalent of a coroner's shrug.
Now, I've been divorced from the man since 1999, and haven't spoken to him in almost a decade. I have no real feelings for him anymore. I'm much more concerned with my sons, who are shocked, and his wife, who is devastated.
And I have to admit, once I calmed down the boys and informed the family and all, I bitched inwardly to myself that I was going to lose money on the plane ticket (nonrefundable) and call off my vacation.
But bless the boys, they reminded me that they were both grown men and they could cope. I have no intention whatsoever of attending the funeral. We divorced over the mutual understanding that the marriage was dead. There was some bitterness on my part, but not much because after about six months I realized I was much better off without him. He remarried twice. The second marriage ended in deep bitterness. The third looked to be stable and lasting. We cooperated in raising the boys until they got out of high school.
Then it was out of sight, out of mind, on both sides. They called on holidays and birthdays, and tried to visit at least once a year. That was it. When my younger son talked about feeling guilty about not staying in touch, I reminded him that communication goes both ways and their dad rarely reached out to them (it was usually me telling the boys they needed to call). He felt better.
But a piece of their life is cut out suddenly, without notice, and they hurt. And as I type this, I realize that I am also losing a piece of my early life, a branch shriveled and old but never gone until now.
What an odd thought.
This time it was my ex-husband, who apparently died in his sleep. He was in decent health and younger than me, so it was really a shock to everyone concerned. There was an autopsy, and nothing was found though some toxicology screens are still being done. So the cause of death is cardiac failure. After all, if your heart fails, you die, right? It's the death record equivalent of a coroner's shrug.
Now, I've been divorced from the man since 1999, and haven't spoken to him in almost a decade. I have no real feelings for him anymore. I'm much more concerned with my sons, who are shocked, and his wife, who is devastated.
And I have to admit, once I calmed down the boys and informed the family and all, I bitched inwardly to myself that I was going to lose money on the plane ticket (nonrefundable) and call off my vacation.
But bless the boys, they reminded me that they were both grown men and they could cope. I have no intention whatsoever of attending the funeral. We divorced over the mutual understanding that the marriage was dead. There was some bitterness on my part, but not much because after about six months I realized I was much better off without him. He remarried twice. The second marriage ended in deep bitterness. The third looked to be stable and lasting. We cooperated in raising the boys until they got out of high school.
Then it was out of sight, out of mind, on both sides. They called on holidays and birthdays, and tried to visit at least once a year. That was it. When my younger son talked about feeling guilty about not staying in touch, I reminded him that communication goes both ways and their dad rarely reached out to them (it was usually me telling the boys they needed to call). He felt better.
But a piece of their life is cut out suddenly, without notice, and they hurt. And as I type this, I realize that I am also losing a piece of my early life, a branch shriveled and old but never gone until now.
What an odd thought.
no subject
Date: 2017-10-07 04:13 pm (UTC)Reading this made me think, and a lot, over how life actually works like.
It's not really odd, to harbour that thought. I mean... it makes sense? It's gone, and there is no going back. Old wounds can't always be mended, can sometimes only be severed from your life.
I don't know, it just really got to me, what you wrote. Losing a piece of your early life. I think I've had a few of those moments, with people I lost contact with, and so on.
Hm.
*offers tea*
Thanks for the tea
Date: 2017-10-07 11:32 pm (UTC)I guess a death is always a loss, no matter how distant that connection is.
no subject
Date: 2017-10-08 02:09 am (UTC)Thank you
Date: 2017-10-09 12:05 am (UTC)